Your Vulnerabilities Are Not Enemies

Empathy and compassion are powerful tools that shape who we are as individuals. Specifically for victims of toxic relationships, their empathetic and compassionate nature can become vulnerabilities in their opinions. The victims blame themselves for not seeing the signs, for giving too much, loving too much, or submitting too much, so they turn against their core values as a result of the trauma that- they believe- was allowed by those core values and resulted in the pain they suffered during that toxic relationship.

 Embracing these qualities allows us to connect deeply with others and understand their experiences, so when we turn against ourselves and we resent those qualities that made us who we are, we add more to the guilt and shame that we suffer as a result of this toxic relationship. We start to think that we need to become the opposite of empathetic and compassionate, and when we do that- even for a brief time after ending the toxic relationship- the society around us starts to label us as "paranoid" or " narcissistic" or hyper-vigilant". This adds further suffering and increases the trauma. 

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Learn to accept your vulnerabilities and not to resent them. Learn to be mindful about them. for example, if you empathize with a person who is telling you their sad story, and you are getting ready to protect them, be mindful of your vulnerability and slow down and distract yourself, or provide a different way of support by using encouraging words, without having to feel that you need to jump in to protect. 

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This way, you will learn to manage your vulnerabilities, and to stay mindful about them, and gradually, you will realize they are your friends and you will start to accept them and to work with them toward making you toxic person-resistant. 

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